More Tuition on Offer

In case you know anyone interested, I'm offering even more tuition in popular specials subjects to students - either secondary school, university, or mature students. If you come across anyone who needs extra tuition, please let me know. Reasonable rates.

BASIC HYPOCRISY

The advanced study of communicating on two levels is the core of this course. Students will learn that words and actions do not have to be consistent. Guest lecturers will include businessmen, local politicians and educators who will demonstrate how their superficial ideas have not interfered with making a living.

ALL-PURPOSE OPINION FORMULATION

Through concentrated training in the development of a total lack of enlightened opinion, firm conviction and ethical principles as they relate to the pressing issues of our time, this course is designed to pave the way for rapid advancement in later life by enabling the student to voice wholehearted agreement with all lunatic fringe views held by employers, wealthy -prospective in-laws and other individuals who have something the student wants.

 CONTACT MAINTENANCE

A frank seminar discussion of the importance of rekindling and capitalizing on tenuous school and university relationships in later life. Emphasis will be placed on the selection of casual acquaintances most likely to succeed in order to weed out and discard potentially meaningless friends before it's too late. Attention also will be focused on the future fabricating of college reminiscences for the purpose of securing employment from and/or selling insurance to classmates you never actually met.

STUDIES IN EGOCENTRICITY

Business administration students will find this course particularly advantageous in bulldozing their way into profitable endeavours for which they are unqualified. They will learn to overlook their inadequacies by becoming self-centred individuals with little regard for the person, dignity and property of others. Strong emphasis will be placed on the rude and the vulgar as a means of dominating those with less self-assurance.

APATHY

Offered for the first time during the present academic year, this course will aid the school leaver or university graduate in maintaining a solid foundation of self-centred disinterest when confronted with the pressure to participate in suburban civic endeavours. Students will be taught the basic principles of begging off, indefinite postponement, and quarrelsome behaviour at planning sessions

FLAUNTING

Students will be encouraged to utilize their University degrees as symbols of superiority over more capable individuals who have been exposed to fewer years of formal schooling. Techniques will be stressed for dropping references to University days into conversations, for terminating arguments with inferiors by misquoting former professors, and for utilizing your educational background as an offsetting factor to explain away goofs on the job, all out of context.