Telly Savalas in Birmingam

"You feel as if you've been projected into the 21st Century, ... Yes, it's my kinda town. So long, Birmingham. Here's looking at ya."

This is one of Harold Baim's "quota quickies", featuring on a recent Radio 4 programme presented by Laurie Taylor. Telly Savalas does a travelogue on Birmingham, when multi-lane highways were symbols of progress. A lot of the concrete Savalas drools over has now gone, while the older buildings remain.

It is a fascinating example of how to "spin" a city.

I have an old tape in which John Nettles, in his Jim Bergerac persona, does the same for Jersey's Fort Regent; it too, is "fantastic" and "futuristic"!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/arts/tellysavalas.shtml

The bizarre story of how British cities in the late 1970s, in an attempt to make themselves appear exciting to a cinema audience, recruited Telly Savalas himself to present their travelogue. In the late 1970s, several of the UK's major cities were the stars of B-movies the so-called 'Quota Quickies'. Laurie Taylor tells the bizarre story of how the cities tried to make themselves appear exciting to a captive cinema audience through the medium of a travelogue.

One such classic is called Telly Savalas Looks At Birmingham. It has the American actor extolling the virtues and history of Birmingham. His narration is unintentionally funny and wonderfully kitsch. The director of these quota quickies, the late Harold Baim, seemed to have an obsession with multi-storey car parks, concrete shopping centres and motorways in his attempt to catapult the city into the 21st century. Others in the Harold Baim series include Telly Savalas Looks At Aberdeen and Telly Savalas Looks At Portsmouth.

The Quota Quickies were shown in cinemas before the main feature because of a law which meant that cinemas had to show a British film for every American film.


I thought I'd dig a bit further having listened to this wonderful programme and see what else I could find on the subject. The Birmingham post also mentions it recently:

http://www.birminghampost.net/news/west-midlands-news/tm_headline=birmingham-targets-tourists&method=full&objectid=18617632&siteid=50002-name_page.html

In 1979 Telly Savalas provided the voiceover for a film promoting the city. Although, never visiting the Midlands - the Kojak actor recording his track in a London studio - he enthusiastically praised landmarks such as the Bullring, the Rotunda, the Aston Expressway (a "multi-carriageway motorway"), the ring road and the canal network.

The short film has achieved cult status and was released in 1981. It was written and directed by Harold Baim and released to cinemas around the UK as a support to the main feature film.

BBC Birmingham goes even better and has some wonderful quotes which give the flavour of the narration. The sheer quantity of hyperbole is fanatastic!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/birmingham/content/articles/2006/09/28/telly_savalas_inside_out_feature.shtml


Forget open top buses and big wheels, for the film of the perfect guided tour of Birmingham there's really only one man for the job - Telly Savalas, otherwise known as Kojak. Telly narrates: "Riding the express elevator to the top floor of one of the city's highest buildings, this is the view that nearly took my breath away." But why would Telly make a film about Birmingham? Could it be the canals? He says: "What about arriving the Venetian way? 159 miles of canal and 216 locks will give you a pretty busy trip. You arrive bang in the city centre where it's one-upmanship of a different kind." We may look at the city now and sigh at some of its outdated buildings, and grotty-looking streets, but Telly seemed to love it, describing it as: "exciting, the modern buildings reflect its position as the nation's industrial powerhouse. You feel as if you've been projected into the 21st Century." "You can really eat in this town. You can chew Chinese, feed French or ingest Indian. Guzzle Greek, intake Italian or digest Danish. If you're weight-watching, well... forget it!" And let's not forget Birmingham's greatest shopping asset - the Bull Ring. What does Telly say about that? "You know it's an adventure to shop in this city. 150 market stalls display their goods whilst over them tense traffic pounds over the elevated inner ring road."


Harold Baim was a sucker for alliteration! Look at the description of the food, which is gobsmackingly grotesque. Or the "tense traffic"

Of course the real spoiler is the following!

Telly Savalas NEVER came to Birmingham. Nope, didn't even take a trip on the "elevated ring road". He narrated the film from a studio in London.

Still, Telly didn't let the small matter of geography get in the way of his celebration of 70s Birmingham. He adds at the end of the film: "I walked on the walkways, sat on the seats and admired the trees and the shrubs in the spacious traffic-free pedestrian precincts.

"I rambled through Rackhams in Corporation Street, browsed in Bull Street... dallied in Dale End... yes, this is my kinda town. So long Birmingham! Here's lookin' atcha."

The West Midlands site also has some comments to make on how the film and the reality diverge. How to sell crap!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/4265592.stm

In the film, Mr Savalas claims to have "dallied in Dale End", "rambled through Rackhams" department store and "browsed in Bull Street". The viewer is taken on a tour taking in Spaghetti Junction, the old Bull Ring shopping centre and the canal network

Landmarks now considered an embarrassment by city fathers are lauded in the film. Birmingham New Street station is vaunted as "a modern rail terminal". Even the inner ring road, which developers have since denounced as a "concrete collar" hindering city centre planning, is hailed as "revolutionary".

You feel as if you've been projected into the 21st Century," says Mr Savalas, before signing off: "Yes, it's my kinda town. So long, Birmingham. Here's looking at ya."


But for history enthusiasts, it is a film of a Birmingham that has been lost, and this site gives details (with pictures) of the many buses available in the film to see:

http://www.busesonscreen.net/screen/screenbaim1.htm

Herein we listen to Telly Savalas enthusing about the MCW Metrobus. First we see West Midlands PTE 2032 (BOK32V) arriving at a bus stop, then we see it leaving the Metro-Cammell factory. This shot becomes a street scene featuring this Park Royal-bodied Daimler Fleetline, 4620 (JOV620P) Several more West Midlands 'deckers are seen at work, including this pair near Birmingham Repertory Theatre. There are several Midland Red buses also seen - this Leyland Leopard/Plaxton is seen at the National Exhibition Centre in National Bus Company white, and another later Plaxton Leopard wears National Bus Company dual purpose livery. An early Leyland National....and a distant view of this Daimler Fleetline/Alexander.

Finally, the Baim Films site gives a lovely anecdote about Harold Baim doing the filming of "Telly Savalas Looks at Birmingham"

http://www.baimfilms.com/telly-savalas-quota-quickies.asp


There is a story about filming Telly Savalas Looks at Birmingham. When he awoke in his Birmingham hotel and was getting ready to tackle the second days' filming the sky became overcast. It is alleged he phoned the Met. Office at Birmingham airport and asked when the sun would come out, only to be told "Not today in Brum. To get any sun you will have to travel south". This explains the sudden appearance of the Cotswolds and Bibury Fish Farm in the middle of the film on Birmingham. Bibury is about 70 miles south of Birmingham by road. Images of the rich golden Cotswold stone of the village of Broadway allows Baim to give the line "You can give my regards to this Broadway anytime" to Telly Savalas, who did not visit any of the locations for the filming of these three titles. Savalas recorded the script provided by Baim at the studios of De Wolfe Music in London's Soho.


Lastly, for a video clip, don't miss:

http://www.birminghamitsnotshit.co.uk/videos/kojak