Tuesday, 15 August 2017

On a lighter note....

I came across these on an old CD dating from 2000!

A news story which I assume was true but speculative at the time...

The name’s Bond, or Smith or Jones…

The intelligence services were a little alarmed by the government's plans to replace passports and driving licences with biometric identity cards by 2007.

The cards, it was feared, could make it more difficult for secret agents to adopt false identities during undercover operations. We have it on good authority that the Home Office has taken this on board and will ensure the new population database will allow some of the UK's more shadowy citizens to have multiple identity cards. Their true identities will be known only to the Department of Constitutional Affairs!

This still rings true....

Anti-Consultant joke:

A shepherd is herding his flock when a BMW pulls up. Out steps a sharp-suited young man who tells the shepherd he will calculate how many sheep he has in return for one of his flock.

The consultant whips out his notebook computer, connects it to his mobile phone and surfs the internet, getting a high-resolution picture of the area.

After rapid calculations he tells the shepherd he has 1,586 sheep.

The shepherd asks the consultant if he can avoid giving the him one of his sheep if he can guess his job. The consultant agrees and is amazed when the shepherd guesses correctly.

"Easy," says the shepherd. "You showed up here even though no one called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, and you know nothing about my business. Now give me back my dog."

This is rather dated! Who uses discs now!

Heard on the helpdesk

Helpdesk: "Fine, now click your left mouse button."

Sales clerk: "But I only have one mouse."

Customer: "I brought my Windows discs from work to install them on my computer. As I put each disc in it turns out they weren't initialised."

Tech support: "Do you remember the message?"
Customer: "I wrote it down: "This is not a Macintosh disc. Would you like to initialise it?"'

Tech support: "What happened?"

Customer: "After they were initialised, all the discs went blank. And now I have brought them back to work and I can't read them on my PC. This is our only set of Windows discs for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

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