Malaisey Evening Star - Special Crimewatch Edition

Malaisey Evening Star
Crimewatch Special Edition
by our correspondent Joseph G. Whopper

In this sensational edition, we spend 11 pages in which Inspector Desmond Hiccup of the Malaisey Police Force shows that former Inspector Leslie Harpic was wrong. In a coconut shell, these can be summarised as follows.

1) It is inaccurate that former First Minister Wally Frankl has a speech impediment, even if he appears to sometimes blurt out words without thinking
2) Everything that Leslie Harpic has said is wrong; not one thing he has said is right.
3) Everything Desmond Hiccup says is right; not one thing he says is wrong.
4) 2 + 2 = 5, according to our team, who have reassessed the evidence of the original boffins who told Leslie it was 4
5) "Multi famam, conscientiam pauci verentur" has been an abiding legal principle
6) Black is white

In a press release specially issued today to the Malaisey public by "lots of concerned people", it was stated by the press spokesman that Leslie Harpic had been very wrong, and everything he said was wrong. Desmond Hiccup said that whatever Leslie said it was not true, and far from cleaning up, he had made a mess instead, which Desmond was convinced he would be able to clean up with a generous and liberal dose of whitewash. "We do not know why Leslie acted in the way he did and so annoyed the Malaisey establishment," he said, "but I am quite different, and it will be obvious why I am acting in the way that I am."

Wally Frankl said that "At last we can put the nightmare of Leslie Harpic's press releases behind us, and we now know the truth, that there have never been any cover ups, any blanket secrecy, any duvets of doom, and I can sleep easy in my bed knowing that it has now had been made of nice clean fresh linen, suitably laundered."