My dearest partner Annie died today. She was only 48.
I've just been reading "Out of my bone", the collected letters of Joy Davidman, which includes this lovely poem, which reminds me very much Annie with her love of gardens and flowers, her cleverness, her generous nature and above all her passion for life.
What will come of me
After the fern has feathered from my brain
And the rosetree out of my blood; what will come of me
In the end, under the rainy locustblossom
Shaking its honey out on springtime air
Under the wind, under the stooping sky?
What will come of me and shall 1 lie
Voiceless forever in earth and unremembered,
And be forever the cold green blood of flowers
And speak forever with the tongue of grass
Unsylabled, and sound no louder
Than the slow falling downward of white water,
And only speak the quickened sandgrain stirring,
Only the whisper of the leaf unfolding,
Only the tongue of leaves forever and ever?
Out of my heart the bloodroot,
Out of my tongue the rose,
Out of my bone the jointed corn,
Out of my fiber trees,
Out of my mouth a sunflower,
And from my fingers vines,
And the rank dandelion shall laugh from my loins
Over million seeded earth; but out of my heart,
Core of my heart, blood of my heart, the bloodroot
Coming to lift a petal in peril of snow,
Coming to dribble from a broken stem
Bitterly the bright color of blood forever.
But I would be more than a cold voice of flowers
And more than water, more than sprouting earth
Under the quiet passion of the spring;
I would leave you the trouble of my heart
To trouble you at evening; I would perplex you
With lightning coming and going about my head,
Outrageous signs, and wonders; I would leave you
The shape of my body filled with images,
The shape of my mind filled with imaginations,
The shape of myself. I would create myself
In a little fume of words and leave my words
After my death to kiss you forever and ever.
I've just been reading "Out of my bone", the collected letters of Joy Davidman, which includes this lovely poem, which reminds me very much Annie with her love of gardens and flowers, her cleverness, her generous nature and above all her passion for life.
What will come of me
After the fern has feathered from my brain
And the rosetree out of my blood; what will come of me
In the end, under the rainy locustblossom
Shaking its honey out on springtime air
Under the wind, under the stooping sky?
What will come of me and shall 1 lie
Voiceless forever in earth and unremembered,
And be forever the cold green blood of flowers
And speak forever with the tongue of grass
Unsylabled, and sound no louder
Than the slow falling downward of white water,
And only speak the quickened sandgrain stirring,
Only the whisper of the leaf unfolding,
Only the tongue of leaves forever and ever?
Out of my heart the bloodroot,
Out of my tongue the rose,
Out of my bone the jointed corn,
Out of my fiber trees,
Out of my mouth a sunflower,
And from my fingers vines,
And the rank dandelion shall laugh from my loins
Over million seeded earth; but out of my heart,
Core of my heart, blood of my heart, the bloodroot
Coming to lift a petal in peril of snow,
Coming to dribble from a broken stem
Bitterly the bright color of blood forever.
But I would be more than a cold voice of flowers
And more than water, more than sprouting earth
Under the quiet passion of the spring;
I would leave you the trouble of my heart
To trouble you at evening; I would perplex you
With lightning coming and going about my head,
Outrageous signs, and wonders; I would leave you
The shape of my body filled with images,
The shape of my mind filled with imaginations,
The shape of myself. I would create myself
In a little fume of words and leave my words
After my death to kiss you forever and ever.
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6 comments:
Tony, this is truly awful news to read. And so young, too.
Few words can provide solace at a moment like this, but please allow CdeH to express his profound sympathy at your loss, and the hope that, in time, you will be able to look back and relish many memories of the time that you were given together.
Thank you CdeH
Tony.
I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. I know there are no words I can say that will be of much comfort to you.
You are in our (mine and my family's) thoughts and prayers.
VFC.
Tony,
Our thoughts are with you, and we are sorry to hear of your sad loss. It is hard to find the words to say at a time like this...
Sincerest condolences.
Tony I do not know you, yet I do because I read your blog regularly.
It is so sad you have lost your partner. My thoughts are with you and I do hope the poetry you read and have posted and the many friends and followers you have will be of some comfort.
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