Thursday, 27 December 2012

Funny Old World

A huge black hole has appeared in part of St Clement's coast road, closing the route to traffic. Emergency services are at the scene, inspecting the section of collapsed roadway. Senator Philip Ozouf said "This is not the expected black hole in our finances, and if it was, we have contingency funds to repair it." But Senator Sarah Ferguson expressed doubts. "This black hole could just be the start. Before we know where we are, Jersey will be inundated with black holes in its transport network, putting the medium term plan into jeopardy, or even into Normandy." Meanwhile a well known Green campaigner said: "I blame global warming."

Meanwhile, if Jersey has enough holes, the Catholic Dean Canon Nicholas France, says there is a good chance the Pope could raise Jersey to the status of a holy island. To follow the discussion, look for  #holyisland on the Pope's Twitter feed.

Multi-Million Dollar Man Project Canceled. Looking back at the year, it is with sorrow that we note that the Plemont Project will not now go ahead. This, as readers will know, was the project to make Senator Sir Philip Bailhache the world's first bionic States member. "Gentleman," said Senator Philip Ozouf, "we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the contingency funds. The Plemont project will see the world's first multi-million dollar man." Meanwhile a well known Green campaigner said: "I blame global warming."

Sadly, the States voted against giving him a blank cheque or slapping a compulsory purchase order on him, so the Senator will have to seek fresh projects to pursue, and will have to remain an ordinary human being, bereft of bionic superhero status. But he can take cheer. Boxing day sees a cavalcade of old cars around the Island. There is still a place for vintage values, even though they may not be carbon-neutral.

Jersey's bus drivers are once again going on strike. Union members voted overwhelming in favour of the action in a row over terms and conditions. It means there will be no buses on the 30th of December. A Sunday when typically, there are very few buses far and between anyway. This news story is therefore for people in the outlying remote rural districts of Jersey, where there are no main drains, and Constable Phil Rondel nightly pipes up, praying for an underground sewer system to his Parishioners. They may not know there is a bus strike on, as they don't get many buses on a Sunday at all, or in some cases, none.

Coming out in sympathy, there's a warning that the Winter Vomiting virus is also striking. But we don't know where. A well known Green campaigner said: "I blame global warming."

Jersey's and Guernsey's Treasury Ministers say they are committed to joint working in 2013. They are scheduled to meet on the 14th of January 2013 to develop their strategic working relationship. Will it be a marriage of convenience, or a civil partnership?

And finally, war letters have been delivered 71 years late to families of German soldier's station in the war. Kevin Keen, Director of Jersey Post said that it demonstrated that the difficult trading conditions in the
fulfillment industry were nothing new. But a well known Green campaigner said: "I blame global warming. In fact, I blame everything on global warming."


Nick Palmer said...

Stalking is a sin, Tony ;)

TonyTheProf said...

Dear me Nick! Why on earth would you think my Green campaigner was meant to be you?! You surely don't blame everything on climate change??

Nick Palmer said...

Ah! The old "I wasn't following him" gambit. It's an old trick but it just might have worked