Friday, 12 April 2013

Some New Political Definitions

Pitman, noun. An individual who speaks very loudly all the time.
Example: "Brian Blessed bellowed out his lines like a pitman mining the coal face."
Tadier, noun. A kind of pannier, usually found draped lopsidedly on the left side of a bicycle.
Example: "They thought he was leaning to the left as he peddled along, but it was only his tadier, weighted down with a copy of 'Socialist Drinking Songs in Jerriais'"
Shenton, verb. To absent oneself after making a very visible appearance.
Example: "He was only there for the role call, and then he shentoned off back to his office."
Murphy, noun - a generous pound of stout brewed in the Parish of Grouville.
Example: "You may have a wee dram in St Helier, but we like a large tankard of murphy in Grouville"
Rondel, noun - a large round dwelling in which Northern Deputies live. It is usually in a remote location, far from any main drains.
Example: "The best granite rondels in the Island are in St John. It's just a pity they are not plumbed into main drains. They could do with more thatch on top, as well."
Crowcroft, noun - an Urban Dwelling House for retired Constables who used to be out on the streets with a vengeance, as members of the "A Team".
Example: "Now the A-Team had defeated the bad guys, it was time for Simon to retire to the Crowcroft, and decide what career to follow".
Mezec, verb. Obsessively looking at numbers.
Example: "He used to collect used lottery tickets, mezecing them to see if there was a numeric deficit"
Maclean, verb. To say very little with a lot of vague words.
Example: "The Minister macleaned the audience on BBC Radio Jersey, saying that all considerations were being taken into account, and despite the recession, the economic development strategy was on target and would be effective at the appropriate junction."
Higgins, noun. A matter of principle, which can on occasion, go on for too long.
Example: "He was forever asking questions, and blasting the politicians, sticking firmly to his higgins."
Duhamel, noun. A habitat for the greater crested tit.
Example: "Sir David Attenborough's voice dropped to a whisper as he saw the flutter of wings from within the duhamel. A beak emerged from within the dense foliage."
Ozouf, noun. An exclamation of exuberance about very little at all.
Example: "When he saw that the unemployment figures had dropped when one individual had found work, one had died, and one had taken up the "Advance to Bad Wurzach" employment scheme, he was overjoyed. 'Some people say I do too little', he exclaimed, "but I tell them I do ozouf".
Ryan, adjective. A description for political economising.
Example: "It was a ryan shame that there would no longer be free music lessons for schoolchildren. Once it was the milk snatcher, now it was the tune snatcher."
Rennard, verb. To serenade, usually in song.
Example: "Whenever she had the opportunity, she would rennard her Parishioners with the song 'Goodnight, sweetheart'"
Gorst, verb. To take the Island along pathways new.
Example: "This is Jersey's four year mission. To boldly gorst where no man has gone before."

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