Friday, 28 February 2014

The Lighter Side of Jersey Politics

Signs of the Times

One of my favourite signs this election (via Nick Le Cornu). Someone was not thinking! Here's the notice, and the hastily corrected version. I know Jersey has a growing Polish population, but their own polling station! Or is everyone else supposed to vote first?!

The Hustings

“I am fed up with my predecessors having a mandate to represent me and failing. I want the job myself.” I know what Mr Travert means, but it sounds as if he wants the mandate to represent himself and fail! We are perilously close to King Charles walking and talking half an hour after his head was cut off.

Mr Philpott meantime talked about numerous concerns which were “very wide ranging”, which was a phrase used by one of the Permanent Undersecretaries in “Yes Prime Minister”. When you hear him say - “Many of the issues raised are currently subject to ongoing research, consideration, subject to scrutiny, and implementation in the States. If you elect me, I hope to play a part in the decision making process” – you realise that he is not a million miles from Sir Humprey Appleby, and could clearly write a few scripts.

And Maureen Morgan talked of rolling up her sleeves and getting on with the job. The hustings photo showed that she was not wearing a long-sleeved top, but a short-sleeved one, which might make rolling up sleeves just a tad difficult. 


On a discussion about the Airport Runway, Nicholas Jouault spoke about “The same muppets that built a glass building that dazzled the pilots when landing and installed an orgy of bollards.”

I really love that as a collective noun – “an orgy of bollards”. I wonder if the said bollards need the permission of the Bailiff to perform, or whether they could be arrested for obscenity? I can imagine one campaigner hard at work:

The late Mary Whitehouse (for it is she): “I was up at Jersey Airport, and I was appalled to see an orgy of bollards there. I know we live in liberal times, but one expects road management not to descent to the level of gutter filth”

Willy Nieuwburg meantime, before he judiciously edited what he said, spoke of the candidates as having a “grey uninspiring voice”. What on earth is a "grey" voice? Can you have a "blue" voice", or a "purple" voice? Perhaps ladies who have a purple rinse, also develop a peculiar tone of speech to go with it with florid, purple prose? This is clearly racist. Or colorist.

Mary Whitehouse would probably be back, asking if any candidates had voices in 50 shades of grey, of course. And we’ve all heard about “blue language”, haven’t we, gentle readers.

Guernsey – A Case of Nominative Election Determinism?

I love this sentence on the possible candidates for Chief Minister in our sister Island. Thank you BBC Guernsey!

“Deputy Lyndon Trott, former chief minister, has not ruled himself out of running.”

I gather that Deputy Chief Minister Jonathan Le Tocq is also considering standing for the position, but time is running out on the clock.

The Ideal Candidate

What would the ideal candidate be like? They'd have the longish hair of Sam Mezec, but the gray hair of the elderly patrician Ian Philpott, and perhaps the receding hairline of some of the candidates like Gordon Forrest. They would be clever like with some sort of degree like Maureen Morgan (but maybe even a doctorate), but capable of the sharp retort, like Nick Le Cornu. They would make the odd fluff, like Roy Travert. They would have an eye for injustice like Paul Huelin. They would have once held office, but be an exile from that life (a wanderer in the political dimension) like Paul le Clare. And Bernie Manning as DJ would play strange music as they appeared...Who would fit that bill? I reveal all.

Here then is the photo-fit picture of the ideal candidate:

Doctor Who. He could defeat the Daleks, but could he tackle Senator Philip Ozouf?


Maureen Morgan said...

Nicely done!

My photo did appear to show me wearing short sleeves, but they were in fact 3/4 length! Make of that what you will. I promise if elected to always wear sleeves capable of being rolled up!

I utterly approve of your ideal candidate, but William Hartnell was too curmudgeonly and abrupt - Tom Baker please to take the pomposity out of the house, or David Tennant to be gorgeous enough to stop us caring :-)

Jelly baby?

TonyTheProf said...

Patrick Troughton was the Doctor who introduced the jelly babies. Not Tom Baker, as is commonly thought.

James said...

What would the ideal candidate be like? They'd have the longish hair of Sam Mezec, but the gray hair of the elderly patrician Ian Philpott, and perhaps the receding hairline of some of the candidates like Gordon Forrest.

The late and unlamented Jimmy Saville would fit that description... :-S

Maureen Morgan said...

Was he? You are way more of a fanboy than me :-) I liked Troughton, but was very young (6-8) during his run. I didn't like Pertwee in the role - didn't like the clothes, and couldn't see him as the doctor while he was in the Navy Lark.

Baker was *my* doctor.

TonyTheProf said...

I may be a Geek, but I am far too old to be a fanboy!

Baker was your doctor. You do know there were two Bakers who were Doctor, he says being deliberately annoying.....

Maureen Morgan said...


I think the less said about Colin Baker the better...

TOM Baker was my Doctor :-p