Political Humour

Political Humour

"Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage." —Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country." —Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

For a lighter time at this moment in the UK election campaign, some political jokes (apart from those standing in this election), one-liners and sharp remarks.

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.
- Winston Churchill

I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.
- Bob Edwards

All politicians should have three hats - one to throw into the ring, one to talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected.
- Carl Sandburg

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw (in Major Barbara)

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other - Oscar Ameringer,

A promising young man should go into politics so that he can go on promising for the rest of his life - Robert Byrne

We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics - Hubert H. Humphrey

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties - Bob Hope

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
- President George W. Bush

And some insults...

"The honourable Member is living proof that a pig's bladder on a stick can be elected to Parliament."
—Labour Member of Parliament Tony Banks on Tory MP Terry Dicks

“He’s like a shiver waiting for a spine.”
— Paul Keating, Former Australian Prime Minister

“The right honourable and learned gentleman has twice crossed the floor of this House, each time leaving behind a trail of slime.”
—Former English Prime Minister Lloyd George

“He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.”
-Winston Churchill

"There they are. See no evil, hear no evil, and...evil." —Bob Dole, watching former presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon standing by each other at a White House event