Friday Funnies

This weeks Friday funnies comes from Jeff Hathaway, election candidate for St Brelade Number 1.

In the interests of fairness, I will put on any suitably funny pieces next Friday from any of the other election candidates who are standing in St Brelade; all they have to do is email me. Nothing political or rude please! A chance to show your sense of humour to the voting public!

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Over the weekend I remembered a quote I wanted use, but could not remember who said it. So I googled it. Sam Goldwyn....but also found other quotes of his some of which made me smile. This is not all of them:

The harder I work, the luckier I get.
Samuel Goldwyn

Include me out.
Samuel Goldwyn

I read part of it all the way through.
Samuel Goldwyn

For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn

If people don't want to go to the picture, nobody can stop them.
Samuel Goldwyn

I never liked you, and I always will.
Samuel Goldwyn

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.
Samuel Goldwyn

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
Samuel Goldwyn

A Hospital is no place to be sick.
Samuel Goldwyn

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Samuel Goldwyn

A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.
Samuel Goldwyn

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Samuel Goldwyn

Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.
Samuel Goldwyn

Don't pay any attention to the critics - don't even ignore them.
Samuel Goldwyn

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.
Samuel Goldwyn

Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.
Samuel Goldwyn

For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn

From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.
Samuel Goldwyn

Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.
Samuel Goldwyn

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
Samuel Goldwyn

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it.
Samuel Goldwyn

God makes stars. I just produce them.
Samuel Goldwyn

Here I am paying big money to you writers and what for? All you do is change the words.
Samuel Goldwyn

I can give you a definite perhaps.
Samuel Goldwyn

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.
Samuel Goldwyn

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
Samuel Goldwyn