A return to short stories based on hymns. This time Amazing Grace - using the original words (and not the extra verse), and certainly not the horribly altered modern version.
Amazing Grace:
Journal of John Newton, near the close of my days
Amazing grace (how sweet the sound)
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
was blind, but now I see.
The candle burns low beside me tonight, its flame a wavering blur. My sight, once sharp enough to read the smallest print of Scripture, is now little more than a haze of shapes and shadows. I must hold the page close to make out my own writing, and even then the words seem to swim. Yet I feel compelled to set down these thoughts while strength remains, for the Lord has granted me many years beyond what I ever deserved. The shadows creep over me, shadows of those slaves upon my ship, shadows of a time I always regret and can never undo.
I think often of the man I once was, lost, reckless, hardened by the sea and by my own pride. A wretch indeed, and I use the word without exaggeration. I remember the cries of the enslaved, the stench of the hold, the clank of chains. I hope it will always be a subject of humiliating reflection to me, that I was, once, an active instrument, in a business at which my heart now shudders.
I remember how easily I dismissed their suffering, as though the image of God in them were a thing I could ignore. When I look back, the weight of guilt presses heavily upon my chest, and I marvel that grace could reach even me, even though I never had the least scruple to the lawfulness of the slave trade.
It was grace that taught my heart to fear, fear of judgment, fear of the righteous God whose patience I had tested beyond measure. But that same grace, in its strange and tender way, relieved my fears as well.
I recall the night of the storm, the ship groaning under the weight of the waves, the certainty of death upon us. The merchant ship Greyhound foundered and the violent storm ripped the vessel apart. I was awakened from a sound sleep by a force of a violent sea which broke on us... the sea had torn away the upper timbers on one side,. and a great quantity of water poured in. The ship filled with water and many of my fellows crew members were swept overboard. For hours I steered through the storm, in that battered wreck, losing all hope.
I had no belief in any God, but now at the hour I thought would be my death, my certainties left me like rats deserting a sinking ship. It is a fine think to mock God and think oneself the captain of one’s soul in fine weather. I stepped out to go to the wheel, for once unsteady on my feet, and in my soul. In the moments before, another person went up in my place, who was instantly washed overboard, and it was a long time before we missed him. Had I had stepped out a moment earlier, I must have gone in his stead. I was lashed to helm to steer, while waves washed over me, and on every other side, all I saw was black, unfathomable despair.
I cried out then, not with eloquence but with desperation, and the Lord heard me. If this will not do, the Lord have mercy upon us! This was the first desire I had breathed for mercy for the space of many years. On that day the Lord came from on high and delivered me out of deep waters.
The hour I first believed was not a moment of triumph but of surrender, as though a hand reached into the darkness and drew me upward. Since then, dangers, toils, and snares have not been strangers to me. I have walked through many trials, some of my own making, others permitted for my refinement. Yet through all of them, I have been carried by the grace of God. The Lord has renewed my strength, and I have risen with wings like eagles, and soared above life's weariness.
It astonishes me still that the same God who could rightly have condemned me instead chose to lead me homeward, step by faltering step.
Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved;
how precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed!
Now, as my flesh weakens and my heart grows tired, I feel the nearness of that my God. My sight dims, but my hope brightens. The promises of the Lord secures my hope; His mercy is my shield; His presence my portion. When this mortal life shall cease, I trust I shall possess a joy and peace that no earthly suffering can diminish.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease:
I shall possess, within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
I remember meeting William Wilberforce, a man surely touched by God. He had failed in his fight against the slave trade and was thinking of leaving politics. I urged him to stay on. I told him that it was is hoped and believed that the Lord has raised him up both for the good of His church and for the good of the nation, and the fight was not yet lost. I wrote to him: “You have a great object in view. The attention of the public is fixed upon you... and your name will be recorded with honour... when the names of those who oppose you will be forgotten.”
I wrote an essay against that slave trade. I testified before parliament about the horrors of the slave ships. I told them of how when the women and girls are taken on board a ship, naked, trembling, terrified... they are often exposed to the wanton rudeness of white savages. For it is us, the so called civilised, who are indeed the savages, caring not a whit for those enslaved apart from profit. But what profit a man if he gain the world, but lose his soul?
And Wilberforce finally reached his goal, and Parliament banned the abominable slave trade. I felt such profound relief, deep humility, and a sense that my own life's work, poor as it had been, was finally complete.
I sense the world fading around me. The earth itself will one day dissolve like snow, the sun cease its shining, yet the God who called me will remain. And I shall be His, not by merit, not by achievement, but by grace alone.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
the sun forbear to shine;
but God, who called me here below,
will be forever mine.
If I have any legacy, let it be this: that no sinner is beyond the reach of divine mercy. I have lived long enough to see that truth proven in my own life. My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour. And though my eyes fail, my soul sees this truth more clearly than ever.
Amazing grace (how sweet the sound)
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
was blind, but now I see.
The candle burns low beside me tonight, its flame a wavering blur. My sight, once sharp enough to read the smallest print of Scripture, is now little more than a haze of shapes and shadows. I must hold the page close to make out my own writing, and even then the words seem to swim. Yet I feel compelled to set down these thoughts while strength remains, for the Lord has granted me many years beyond what I ever deserved. The shadows creep over me, shadows of those slaves upon my ship, shadows of a time I always regret and can never undo.
I think often of the man I once was, lost, reckless, hardened by the sea and by my own pride. A wretch indeed, and I use the word without exaggeration. I remember the cries of the enslaved, the stench of the hold, the clank of chains. I hope it will always be a subject of humiliating reflection to me, that I was, once, an active instrument, in a business at which my heart now shudders.
I remember how easily I dismissed their suffering, as though the image of God in them were a thing I could ignore. When I look back, the weight of guilt presses heavily upon my chest, and I marvel that grace could reach even me, even though I never had the least scruple to the lawfulness of the slave trade.
It was grace that taught my heart to fear, fear of judgment, fear of the righteous God whose patience I had tested beyond measure. But that same grace, in its strange and tender way, relieved my fears as well.
I recall the night of the storm, the ship groaning under the weight of the waves, the certainty of death upon us. The merchant ship Greyhound foundered and the violent storm ripped the vessel apart. I was awakened from a sound sleep by a force of a violent sea which broke on us... the sea had torn away the upper timbers on one side,. and a great quantity of water poured in. The ship filled with water and many of my fellows crew members were swept overboard. For hours I steered through the storm, in that battered wreck, losing all hope.
I had no belief in any God, but now at the hour I thought would be my death, my certainties left me like rats deserting a sinking ship. It is a fine think to mock God and think oneself the captain of one’s soul in fine weather. I stepped out to go to the wheel, for once unsteady on my feet, and in my soul. In the moments before, another person went up in my place, who was instantly washed overboard, and it was a long time before we missed him. Had I had stepped out a moment earlier, I must have gone in his stead. I was lashed to helm to steer, while waves washed over me, and on every other side, all I saw was black, unfathomable despair.
I cried out then, not with eloquence but with desperation, and the Lord heard me. If this will not do, the Lord have mercy upon us! This was the first desire I had breathed for mercy for the space of many years. On that day the Lord came from on high and delivered me out of deep waters.
The hour I first believed was not a moment of triumph but of surrender, as though a hand reached into the darkness and drew me upward. Since then, dangers, toils, and snares have not been strangers to me. I have walked through many trials, some of my own making, others permitted for my refinement. Yet through all of them, I have been carried by the grace of God. The Lord has renewed my strength, and I have risen with wings like eagles, and soared above life's weariness.
It astonishes me still that the same God who could rightly have condemned me instead chose to lead me homeward, step by faltering step.
Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved;
how precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed!
Now, as my flesh weakens and my heart grows tired, I feel the nearness of that my God. My sight dims, but my hope brightens. The promises of the Lord secures my hope; His mercy is my shield; His presence my portion. When this mortal life shall cease, I trust I shall possess a joy and peace that no earthly suffering can diminish.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease:
I shall possess, within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
I remember meeting William Wilberforce, a man surely touched by God. He had failed in his fight against the slave trade and was thinking of leaving politics. I urged him to stay on. I told him that it was is hoped and believed that the Lord has raised him up both for the good of His church and for the good of the nation, and the fight was not yet lost. I wrote to him: “You have a great object in view. The attention of the public is fixed upon you... and your name will be recorded with honour... when the names of those who oppose you will be forgotten.”
I wrote an essay against that slave trade. I testified before parliament about the horrors of the slave ships. I told them of how when the women and girls are taken on board a ship, naked, trembling, terrified... they are often exposed to the wanton rudeness of white savages. For it is us, the so called civilised, who are indeed the savages, caring not a whit for those enslaved apart from profit. But what profit a man if he gain the world, but lose his soul?
And Wilberforce finally reached his goal, and Parliament banned the abominable slave trade. I felt such profound relief, deep humility, and a sense that my own life's work, poor as it had been, was finally complete.
I sense the world fading around me. The earth itself will one day dissolve like snow, the sun cease its shining, yet the God who called me will remain. And I shall be His, not by merit, not by achievement, but by grace alone.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
the sun forbear to shine;
but God, who called me here below,
will be forever mine.
If I have any legacy, let it be this: that no sinner is beyond the reach of divine mercy. I have lived long enough to see that truth proven in my own life. My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour. And though my eyes fail, my soul sees this truth more clearly than ever.
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